Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
