dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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