he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
