I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
