I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
