I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
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i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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