I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
