I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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