you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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