She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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