He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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