What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
