I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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