I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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