Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I want is dick and wine.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
