just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
