I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
