My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
