If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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