We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They took my balls.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
