I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
