he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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