Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
