dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
