Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
