but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
