Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
