Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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