Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
