I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
