i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
