Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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