chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
too bad you live with your parents still
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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