wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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