i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
