once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
