lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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