i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
