I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
