Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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