I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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