conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
