she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
