i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
