yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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