Pappa wants mamma naked
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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