Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
