hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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