quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
