i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!