The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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