Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
50% drunk capacity currently
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Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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