At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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