Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
