Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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