I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
