Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
