Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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