Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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