I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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